45 Reasons for a Successful Marriage

       My parents celebrated their 45th Wedding Anniversary this week.  I composed a list of 45th things my parents have done that have strengthened their marriage.  Each item has its own story.

       I also composed a list of 45 attributes they both have that had has led to their enduring and endearing relationship.  

Both lists are below. 

45 Reasons Why My Parents Have Had

45 Years of Marriage

1.         Holding Hands

2.   6 Kids

3.         Honey-Do-Days

4.         Best Cook in Captivity

5.         22 Grandkids

6.         "Avon Money" (When ever Mom made a purchase and Dad inquired where they got the money, Mom said it was Avon Money--she sold Avon when they were first married...but somehow she always had "Avon Money")

7.         Reading Sunday Comics Together (They refused to take the Desert News for the sole reason that they said the Tribune had better Sunday comics).

8.         Meisha and Snuggle Time (the dog would heard them into the bedroom to sit on bed and snuggle with them).

9.         Going to the Temple Together

10.      Home Teaching Together

11.      Madame Alexandra Dolls

12.      New Soft Reclining Chair and Flat Screen TV  (they snuggle and hold hands while watching shows).

13.      IHOP, Marie Calendars, Red Lobster

14.      Plastic Lobster (hiding it around the house)

15.      Trips to Lewiston and Cedar City

16.      Daily Prayer and Reading Scriptures in Bed Until Elaine Falls Asleep

17.      Traditions

18.      Disneyland and DisneyWorld

19.      Jerusalem

20.      Diane Decker and other inside jokes

21.      Books on CD

22.      Dad’s Gravy

23.      Hospitals in Hawaii

24.      Dad Getting the Ground Ready for Mom’s Garden and Bringing Up Boxes and Boxes and Boxes of Mom’s Decorations

25.      Free Wendy’s Frosties

26.      Monk, Jagg, Bones

27.      Family Reunions

28.      Taking Mom’s Banana Bread and Meals to People

29.      Mom's Gingersnaps

30.      KOSY 106.5, Free Movies, Free Plays, Free Wii, DVD's etc.

31.      Knight in Shining Armor

32.      Copykuahs (They call each other every time their speedometer reads like a palindrome)

33.      Desert Storm (Dad served in the Gulf War and they realized what they could lose, so they really worked on their relationship when he got home).

34.      Kohl’s Coupons, Rebates, Sharing Restaurant Meals

35.      Breakfast with Santa and Cinco De Mayo Parties

36.      Attending Children and Grandkids’ Performances, Games, Programs, etc. Together

37.      Dad Shoveling Snow and Helping with Mom’s Garden

38.      Lunch Love Notes on Napkins

39.      Jake and The Pirates

40.      Grandpa’s Fruit Snacks and Grandma’s Treat Jar

41.      Mom Letting Dad Go Flying

42.      Motorcycle to Salvation Army (Mom was scared of motor cycles and she didn't want to be a widow raising 3 small children if Dad got into an accident, so one day when Dad was at work, she called the Salvation Army to take the motorcycle.)

43.      Front Sight (they attended a fire arms conference together)

44.      UASBO  Trips and District Visits

45.      Sharing "3 Good Things"  Daily  

45 Attributes for 45 Years of a Successful Marriage

1.      Selflessness

2.      Tolerance

3.      Sense of humor

4.      Ability/Willingness to share

5.      Dedication

6.      Cherishing each other

7.      Charity

8.      Honoring each other and the others’ needs/wants     

9.      Gentleness

10.  Forgiveness

11.  Willingness to Sacrifice

12.  Patience

13.  Humility

14.  Kindness

15.  Submissiveness

16.  Faithful to each other

17.  Compassion

18.  Commitment

19.  Devotion

20.  Understanding

21.  Affection

22.  Communication

23.  Flexibility

24.  Support

25.  Ability to make each other laugh

26.  Love

27.  Long suffering

28.  Sympathy

29.  Dedication to religious beliefs

30.  Ability to enjoy life

31.  Dedication to children

32.  Didn’t hold grudges

33.  Equally yoked

34.  Vision

35.  Union

36.  Long suffering

37.  Continually learning

38.  Allowing each other hobbies/interests

39.  Work

40.  Seeking out ways to build each other

41.  Service

42.  Endurance

43.  Foregoing own wants/needs

44.  Spending time together

45.  Honesty

Valentine Flowers

The week before Valentine’s Day I was walking into work and I approached the door at the same time as another co-worker.  Previous conversations with this individual had never been more than five minutes and they were always about work.    As we entered the building there was an awkward moment just because we don’t know each other well.   In an effort to make small talk, I asked her if she had any fun plans for Valentine’s day.  I thought in my head, “That’s a simple conversation starter.”  After a slight hesitation, she looked at me with her deep blue eyes and blurted out, “My husband is giving me a divorce.”  Uh, um, uh, what?!  That was NOT the response I had expected!  The awkwardness of the moment suddenly multiplied.  I felt sick.  My heart broke for her. 

She said she hadn’t really told anyone, except for her team at work.  What caused her to share this deeply personal information with me?  Had she been thinking about the upcoming holiday and the heart wrenching pain that she would experience that day?  Did she view me as someone she could trust?  Was I just in the right place at the right time for her open up?  Was it simply the question I asked?   I told her how sorry I was and her blue eyes and my hazel eyes welled up as we shared an unexpected moment of sympathetic emotion.  What was I supposed to say?  How could I let her know how truly heartsick I felt for her?  She walked away to face the rest of the day with a counterfeit smile on the outside as her insides were being crushed with heart break.

I couldn’t stop thinking about her all day.  The next day I continued to think about her and her situation.  I thought about my question to her.  I thought about her Valentine’s Day.  Instead of the typical Valentine Roses, she was getting a slap in the face.  My thoughts then led to a single mother I work with that is struggling to survive raise four children, including a rebellious teenage son.  She would not be receiving flowers.    

I started to think about the many women I care about that, for one reason or another, would be experiencing heartache on Valentine’s Day instead of flowers.  I thought about my young widowed friend whose husband passed away a few years ago.  I thought about many single moms I know.  I thought about many unmarried women, who, perhaps have never received vibrant Valentine Roses. 

As I thought of what I could do to show that I really did feel sorry for my co-worker, I decided to get flowers for her.  I was grateful for sweet inspiration.  Instead of getting flowers for Valentine’s Day, I gave flowers.  I found joy on the day of love.  The single mother of four said, as I gave her the flowers, “Those are probably the only flowers I will be getting today.”  Honestly, all women deserve flowers.  The reality, many women, for various reasons will not be getting flowers.  After my experience on this Valentine’s Day this year, in the future, I will worry more about giving flowers rather than getting them.  

Under the mask of sarcasm, Valentine’s Day is often called “Single’s Awareness Day.” Ha ha.  Funny, sort of.  This actually kind of bugs me.  As I was writing this post, I ironically realized that “Single’s Awareness Day” is an acronym.  S.A.D.  Hmm.  Now that is funny.  Sort of.  Funny and sort of sad (ok, maybe the pun was intended).  Sad that a day intended to celebrate love actually yields to much loneliness, depression, and sorrow. 

Last year, I made a decision to NOT harbor my thoughts and feeling on Valentine’s Day about my singleness.  Lucky for me, my friend Tracy, married a guy with the last name, “Valentine.”  She now has four young boys and I told her that I wanted to spend my Valentine’s Day with my favorite Valentines.  I had a pizza party with her family.  I realized I could choose to stay home and focus on my singleness and be depressed on that day or I could create a way to celebrate and show my love and appreciation for others.  This year I was lucky to be a in a play that performed on Valentine’s Day, so I really didn’t have the option to be sitting at home alone feeling sorry for myself.  Even though my night was occupied, I made an effort to take a treat to my little four year old buddy from my ward, Molly (and her siblings), and another dear family with six children that I adore.  I would have liked to have done more, but I didn’t have much time between work and my play. 

            Next Valentine’s Day, whether you are single or married, let’s make an effort to show love and appreciation to those we truly care about.  Let us also seek out those with hearts that need healing and hope. 

    “As we extend our hands and hearts toward others in Christlike love, something wonderful happens to us. Our own spirits become healed, more refined, and stronger. We become happier, more peaceful, and more receptive to the whisperings of the Holy Spirit.”

     Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf, ‘You Are My Hands,’ April General Conference 2010

Flower HINT:  My co-worker pulled me aside this week and said that she got flowers from her daughter, but they had died.  The flowers I gave her were still alive and she expressed her sincere gratitude for my sympathetic gesture.  Here is the secret of keeping flowers alive: cut the bottom of the stems off so that they are fresh and put them in a vase filled with SPRITE instead of water.