Trek Ma

   This summer, for Youth Conference, the youth in my Stake are going on a Pioneer Trek.   Because I have been on Trek before and I know what an amazing experience it is for the youth and the adults, I wanted to go.  But for the most part, the Stake is not using Youth Leaders for Ma's and Pa's and I am a Young Women's Leader.  Darn!
   I went to the Trek Fireside a few months ago.  I was thrilled to find out that one of the Ma's was a single sister and that she would be going as a single Ma--not two single people acting as Ma and Pa together, like I had done several years ago, but she is going to be a single parent on the Trek.  
   After the Fireside, I sought her out to talk to her.  Maria is in her late thirties and she is the Young Women's President in her ward.  We talked for a few minutes and I told her how excited I was that she was going.  I told her I was single and I strained to hold back my tears because she would be representing single sisters.  Our conversation was short, but I have thought a lot about her since that night at the Fireside.  
    Another friend of mine expressed a desire to go on Trek as a Ma to her Stake President a few years ago.  He simple said, "Well, you can't go."  She asked why not and he responded, "Well, you're not married."  She asked him what that had to do with anything.  Bless his heart, he didn't get it.  Marriage is vitally important and we surely want the youth to see successful marriages, but is marriage a  qualifier for service in the Kingdom?  Is marriage a qualifier for righteous living?  
    What about Mary Fielding Smith???   She came across the plains as a SINGLE MOTHER!  In fact, she raised a prophet!  A single mother!  What about all the other single women who crossed the plains?  Women whose husbands refused to come, women whose husbands died on the journey, women who came alone because they loved the Gospel, wanted to follow Christ, and enjoy fellowship with the Saints.  Did they not sacrifice as much as married women who crossed the plains?  Perhaps they sacrificed even more.  
    At Girls Camp, I was able to sneak away from the activities my new found friend, Maria, for a moment to tell her that I had been thinking about her and praying for her.  We had a very tender conversation as we discussed what it meant for her to be going on Trek.  I told her that during Trek, I would be in Chile, visiting a friend.  When it would be especially demanding emotionally, physically, or mentally, I wanted her to know that there would be someone praying for her and thinking about her in Chile.   She will be representing so much for so many single women on this Trek.  
    Many of the youth are being raised by single mothers.  Some of the young women on the Trek will never marry.  Some of them will unfortunately get divorced.  Some of them may marry, but because of choices their husbands will make, they will be required to pull the handcart alone as they bring their children to church or gather them for family prayer, without support from their spouse.  
    We laughed as she said there were a few awkward moments at the Ma/Pa Training overnighter.  A few times the leaders asked everyone to do little activities with their spouse.  Um.  OK.  Awkward!  
      We cried as we knew the hardships that were ahead of her.  We cried as we knew the depth of her role in the eyes of those who would be in her "family" and others on the Trek that would be watching her.  A simple embrace through our tears was given to let her know that I truly understood her emotions, heart ache, fear, faith, and determination.  

    I am so grateful for a Stake Presidency who had the compassion, vision, foresight, and faith to call a single woman to shoulder the task of being a single Ma on Trek.  I was able to catch each of them at YW Camp and barely choke out my gratitude for how much it meant to have them call a single sister to be a Ma.  Thank you for acknowledging those of us who continue to valiantly put our shoulders to the wheel, regardless of our marital status.  
     I wanted to send Maria an email after camp--a member of the Stake YW Presidency said this about her in response to my request for her email address," She is just golden!  There is no other way to describe her."  After talking to her at camp, I already knew this about her.  
      Here is an article I remember reading from the Ensign that I sent to Maria: 

         "Julia and Emily: Sisters in Zion"  Ensign June 2004

             http://www.lds.org/ensign/2004/06/julia-and-emily-sisters-in-zion?lang=eng

    It was written by a descendant of the Willie Handcart Company.  She writes about her ancestors--two sisters who joined the Church in England.  After their parents disowned them, they journeyed together to America and finally to Utah--they were both SINGLE SISTERS.  In fact, one of them penned the hymn beloved by women of the Church, "As Sisters In Zion"  (Hymn #309).

     Whether married or single, as women, we are truly given the errand of angels.  This week on Trek, Maria will be representing single sisters in the church all over the world as she treks with the youth on the plains of Wyoming.  

1. As sisters in Zion, we'll all work together;
The blessings of God on our labors we'll seek.
We'll build up his kingdom with earnest endeavor;
We'll comfort the weary and strengthen the weak.

2. The errand of angels is given to women;
And this is a gift that, as sisters, we claim:
To do whatsoever is gentle and human,
To cheer and to bless in humanity's name.

3. How vast is our purpose, how broad is our mission,
If we but fulfill it in spirit and deed.
Oh, naught but the Spirit's divinest tuition
Can give us the wisdom to truly succeed.

Mary Poppins Bag #2

        I had another Mary Poppins Bag moment last week worthy of sharing.  (see post in November 2012 for explanation of Mary Poppin's Bag).

        Sunday School was canceled due to the World Wide Leadership Training last week.  (FYI and FMBR-for my bragging rights--my nephew is the little boy who is baptized in the video "I'll Go Where You Want Me to Go," if you saw it--if you didn't you can still access it on-line).  Because Sunday School was canceled, Sacrament Meeting was right after Young Women's classes and we had some last minute Girl's Camp stuff to take care, so I was a little late in getting into the chapel for Sacrament Meeting.  Scanning the congregation for a seat, I spotted a partially open bench next to a family with two little boys.  Now there was some strategy involved, because this bench was sandwiched between a family with two little boys the same age in front and a family with four crazy kids in back (I can say crazy, because the mom will not hesitate to agree with that adjective.  They are some of my favorite kids in the ward--they have a lot of great stories. These kids have a mind of their own and they give their parents a run for their money. Well, at least they keep their parents running, whether they get a paycheck or not for parenthood.
          I sat down and soon, another family with four kids sat down next to me.  I knew this was going to be super Sacrament Meeting entertainment at its best. 

        
Thank goodness I had my Mary Poppins bag ready to go.  To the bench in front of me, I passed a Pass-a-Long card of Jesus to quiet the kids during the Sacrament.  To the bench in back of me, I passed a picture to color, and to one of the families sitting next to me, I passes a small, edible for toddlers, board book about Nephi.  A Nursery-age girl from behind surprised me by slithering under the bench and popping up next to me to say hi. I'll change her name to protect the innocent, and her mother, to Hillary. I rummaged through  my bag and found something to keep her quiet. 
          During the musical number, I whispered to Hillary that they were singing about Joseph Smith.  I also told her that she could not slide under that bench again--she needed to go around.  Our conversation continued like this...

     Hillary:  "Whisper something in my ear."
     Me:  "You can't crawl under the bench, it's not reverent, you need to go around."
     Hillary: "Whisper something in my ear"  I finally figured out she said, "There's something IN my ear." 
     Me: "What is in your ear?"
     Hillary: "Candy!"
     Me:  "You don't have candy in your ear, silly!" 
     Hillary: "Yes, I do!  Look!"

             She proceed to stick her finger in her ear, pull out some earwax and eat it!   I completely lost it!  I was laughing so hard I was crying--when the speaker looked at me, he probably thought I was very moved by his talk.   Trying to reverently suppress laughter and tears is very difficult, especially during the closing hymn. 
           Although I didn't pack any candy in my Mary Poppins bag last Sunday, I got to see some. Thanks, Hillary, for the great Sunday entertainment!


Alma 8:28   "And it came to pass that the people did wax more gross in their iniquities." Alma, I know this had nothing to do with iniquity, but this wax was gross!  

Baby Blue PJ's

For work, I perform speech therapy with children in a couple of elementary schools. One day, before school, the PTA sponsored “Moms and Muffins.”  The children and their mothers were supposed to come early to school, pick out a donated book, and read it together while eating muffins.  As I was walking to my office, I smiled at the excitement of the children as they perused the books and the pride in their eyes as they led their mothers by the hand around the school.  I noticed one tired mother with several children around her, begging for her attention.  She was holding a dark haired baby girl in blue pajamas.  The baby was probably about 6 months old or so.  She appeared to have been awoken earlier than normal so mom could come with her other siblings.  However, she was as wide-eyed as the anxious squirrel on Ice Age.  She didn’t want to miss anything and her little head turned at every sound.  Her fists were clenched and her little spirit didn’t want to miss a thing.

 I don’t know why, but I couldn’t keep my eyes of her.  Now all babies are cute, because they are babies.  But let’s be honest, there are some that above being cute because they are a baby, only their mother can see their beauty.  This little girl wasn’t an ugly baby, nor was she an especially a crowd stopping beauty.  She was just a darling  little baby--mom didn’t even have time to put a bow in her hair.  I noticed her powder blue footie pajamas and her wispy hair.  As I watched her watch her siblings, my eyes started to well up with tears.  It was totally out of the blue—no pun intended.  My eyelids couldn’t contain the moisture and I had to quietly leave as tears rolled down my face. 

 I don’t know why on that particular day, that particular child touched my emotions.  It wasn’t even my once-a-month female emotional phase.  I went to my office and had a good cry.  I couldn’t stop weeping.  It has been a long time since I mourned my unborn children like that.  I began to wonder if I would be able to stop tears from falling.  My heart hurt.  The reality of my advancing age and diminishing opportunity to bear children hit hard. 

Perhaps on my mind was the joyous occasion of the recent birth of my dear friend Kriss’s first baby.  When we were roommates, she often said that because she was in her thirties and not married, to get all the children she desired, she would have to get hers in twos and threes.  Well, when she married last year, her husband already had three darling boys.  So, she got her ‘threes’ and was blessed with a honeymoon miracle baby.  Miracle baby because her new husband is a brain cancer survivor.  After many surgeries and medical treatments, he was not sure if he would be able to have any more children.  Apparently God wanted to send more children to this marvelous couple. 

Perhaps it was simply a reality check that I do long for children that my heart’s desire is where I believe it should be.   As I pen this post, the same emotions are flooding back and my eyes are wet.  I worry that by the time I get married, my window for bearing children will have passed.  Yes, my heart hurts.  Indeed I long to snuggle a sleeping infant.  I yearn to teach a toddler and tease a teenager that belong to me. I realize that it is unhealthy to continuously focus on this heart ache.  I know I must put my efforts and time into serving others.  I try to do this with the time and means I have been allotted. 

Back to feelings evoked by watching the blue pajamaed baby.  Lately, I have caught myself considering the wonder of our mortal bodies.  I have wondered what things our spirits won’t be able to do without our bodies…I surly hope tasting chocolate is not one of them, but who knows.  That is why I make sure I get a good dose of chocolate EVERYDAY.  I want to make sure I enjoy chocolate my last day on earth and I don’t know when my last day will be so, I must eat chocolate daily.  Moving on from my chocolate detour, maybe the sadness I felt that day was a gift from God.  He allowed me to feel sorrow because FEELING emotions may be magnified because I have a mortal body.  Maybe.  Some people may consider it a curse, but I believe it is a blessing that we can FEEL--sadness, loneliness, heart ache as well as joy, a tender hug, kissing a baby’s cheek, and a supportive arm around us.   Will we be able to experience these fully without a body?  I don’t know.  I DO know that, “…it must needs be there is an opposition in all things…” (2 Nephi 2:11).   I also know that Christ’s atonement covers not only my sins, but my pain, “…he suffereth the pains of all men, yea, the pains of every living creature, both men, WOMEN, and children…” (2 Nephi 9:22).

Although I do not enjoy the pain I felt that day, or other days that I feel left out or lonely, I am grateful for feelings.  I am also grateful for delightful baby girls in blue pajamas.  

I don't have a photo of the baby in blue PJ's but here are sweet two photos of some babies that I love...  

My youngest niece.

My friend's twins

Easter Eggs

          Kinder Ovos.  Or Ovos de Pascoa (Eggs of Easter).  The most evident traditional token of giving on Easter in Brazil was chocolate eggs with little surprises or toys inside.  The bigger the egg you received, the higher claim you had to bragging rights.  Hooray for chocolate AND surprises inside!  How can you go wrong with that?  Um, not possible!  However, I was disheartened by that fact that KinderOvos and chocolate eggs were more of a focus on Easter than the real cause for celebration—the glorious resurrection! 

I remember one Easter Sunday when I was a missionary in Brazil.  I was with a Brazilian companion and we were in a bus station on our way to an appointment after church services.  Hundreds of people in various lines.  It appeared to be just an ordinary day.  Ordinary clothes.  Mundane conversation.   Nothing appeared to be special about the day.  People were going through the motions of the day and I wondered if they even considered what they day really meant.  I wanted to stand on the hand rail and shout to everyone, “Do you know what today is?  Do you realize what happened on this day?  You will all one day be resurrected because of Easter!  We will all live again after this life!  We have reason for hope because of our Savior’s resurrection!”  I didn’t shout.  I didn’t even shake anyone, even though I felt the urge to shake everyone around me into a realization of what the day meant. 

I have thought about that day many times.  Do I go through the motions of life without pausing to reflect on what my Savior has done for me?   

President Henry B. Eyring opened his remarks in the April 2013 EnsignFirst Presidency Message, “A testimony of the Resurrection of Jesus Christ is a source of both hope and determination.”   Hope and determination.  I feel that because of the atonement, I do have hope.  Hope that there is more to my existence than this mortal life.  If I don’t have the privilege of marrying and having children in this life, I will still have an opportunity to realize that blessing.  Determination.  I feel that because we will live again and this life is not the end, I must demonstrate through my life a determination to follow the example and teachings of Jesus Christ—and not only for myself, but I am determined to meet my obligation to help others learning about the Savior and his teachings. 

I have tried to be more conscious of casual times to testify when I am with my nieces and nephews, with other children in my sphere of influence, and with my Young Women.  This last week my sister was visiting with her five small children.  Each night as she struggled through the motions of putting them to bed, I wanted to make sure they had some scriptures read before they fell asleep.  Unplanned, I found an Easter book with some Gospel Art pictures of Jesus on the shelf.  Of course!  This week is Easter—that is what we should read scriptures about!   Much easier was the task of describing some of the events in the last week of the Savior’s life with the visuals.  If you don’t have a Gospel Art picture book, I encourage you to get one, however, I guess if you have easy access to the computer when you are reading scriptures, you can access any picture you want.  We read Mosiah 3:5-10 and I was able to explain what it meant that Jesus bled from every pore.  That concept is so commonplace to me, that I didn’t realize my nieces and nephews didn’t know what it meant.  I was grateful for pictures and quick inspiration that created a sweet teaching moment about the Savior.

At this Easter time, in addition to savoring my seasonal favorite Cadbury Eggs, I want to share with those I love (maybe with a little more reverence than shouting in a bus station) that I know that Christ does live. 

How can we each personally celebrate this great event?  In the conclusion of President Eyring’s April 2013 message, he shares four suggestions we can ponder during the Sacrament:

“I have found [during the Sacrament] God can give me what feels like a personal interview.  He brings to my attention what I have done that pleases Him, my need for repentance and forgiveness, and the names and faces of people He would have me serve for Him.” 

Because of the life and resurrection of Christ, my life has focus.  I have hope and “determination to serve him to the end” (Moroni 6:3).  I know He lives! 

Jesus, the very thought of thee

With sweetness fills my breast;

But sweeter far thy face to see

And in thy presence rest.

Nor voice can sing, nor heart can frame,

Nor can the mem'ry find

A sweeter sound than thy blest name,

O Savior of mankind!

O hope of ev'ry contrite heart,

O joy of all the meek,

To those who fall, how kind thou art!

How good to those who seek!

Jesus, our only joy be thou,

As thou our prize wilt be;

Jesus, be thou our glory now,

And thru eternity.

Hymn #141  Jesus, the Very Thought of Thee

I put pictures to the arrangement of "I Know That My Redeemer Lives" for a Young Women Lesson earlier this year.  This song was arranged my friend, Michael Hicks and it is from the 2001 EFY album.

45 Reasons for a Successful Marriage

       My parents celebrated their 45th Wedding Anniversary this week.  I composed a list of 45th things my parents have done that have strengthened their marriage.  Each item has its own story.

       I also composed a list of 45 attributes they both have that had has led to their enduring and endearing relationship.  

Both lists are below. 

45 Reasons Why My Parents Have Had

45 Years of Marriage

1.         Holding Hands

2.   6 Kids

3.         Honey-Do-Days

4.         Best Cook in Captivity

5.         22 Grandkids

6.         "Avon Money" (When ever Mom made a purchase and Dad inquired where they got the money, Mom said it was Avon Money--she sold Avon when they were first married...but somehow she always had "Avon Money")

7.         Reading Sunday Comics Together (They refused to take the Desert News for the sole reason that they said the Tribune had better Sunday comics).

8.         Meisha and Snuggle Time (the dog would heard them into the bedroom to sit on bed and snuggle with them).

9.         Going to the Temple Together

10.      Home Teaching Together

11.      Madame Alexandra Dolls

12.      New Soft Reclining Chair and Flat Screen TV  (they snuggle and hold hands while watching shows).

13.      IHOP, Marie Calendars, Red Lobster

14.      Plastic Lobster (hiding it around the house)

15.      Trips to Lewiston and Cedar City

16.      Daily Prayer and Reading Scriptures in Bed Until Elaine Falls Asleep

17.      Traditions

18.      Disneyland and DisneyWorld

19.      Jerusalem

20.      Diane Decker and other inside jokes

21.      Books on CD

22.      Dad’s Gravy

23.      Hospitals in Hawaii

24.      Dad Getting the Ground Ready for Mom’s Garden and Bringing Up Boxes and Boxes and Boxes of Mom’s Decorations

25.      Free Wendy’s Frosties

26.      Monk, Jagg, Bones

27.      Family Reunions

28.      Taking Mom’s Banana Bread and Meals to People

29.      Mom's Gingersnaps

30.      KOSY 106.5, Free Movies, Free Plays, Free Wii, DVD's etc.

31.      Knight in Shining Armor

32.      Copykuahs (They call each other every time their speedometer reads like a palindrome)

33.      Desert Storm (Dad served in the Gulf War and they realized what they could lose, so they really worked on their relationship when he got home).

34.      Kohl’s Coupons, Rebates, Sharing Restaurant Meals

35.      Breakfast with Santa and Cinco De Mayo Parties

36.      Attending Children and Grandkids’ Performances, Games, Programs, etc. Together

37.      Dad Shoveling Snow and Helping with Mom’s Garden

38.      Lunch Love Notes on Napkins

39.      Jake and The Pirates

40.      Grandpa’s Fruit Snacks and Grandma’s Treat Jar

41.      Mom Letting Dad Go Flying

42.      Motorcycle to Salvation Army (Mom was scared of motor cycles and she didn't want to be a widow raising 3 small children if Dad got into an accident, so one day when Dad was at work, she called the Salvation Army to take the motorcycle.)

43.      Front Sight (they attended a fire arms conference together)

44.      UASBO  Trips and District Visits

45.      Sharing "3 Good Things"  Daily  

45 Attributes for 45 Years of a Successful Marriage

1.      Selflessness

2.      Tolerance

3.      Sense of humor

4.      Ability/Willingness to share

5.      Dedication

6.      Cherishing each other

7.      Charity

8.      Honoring each other and the others’ needs/wants     

9.      Gentleness

10.  Forgiveness

11.  Willingness to Sacrifice

12.  Patience

13.  Humility

14.  Kindness

15.  Submissiveness

16.  Faithful to each other

17.  Compassion

18.  Commitment

19.  Devotion

20.  Understanding

21.  Affection

22.  Communication

23.  Flexibility

24.  Support

25.  Ability to make each other laugh

26.  Love

27.  Long suffering

28.  Sympathy

29.  Dedication to religious beliefs

30.  Ability to enjoy life

31.  Dedication to children

32.  Didn’t hold grudges

33.  Equally yoked

34.  Vision

35.  Union

36.  Long suffering

37.  Continually learning

38.  Allowing each other hobbies/interests

39.  Work

40.  Seeking out ways to build each other

41.  Service

42.  Endurance

43.  Foregoing own wants/needs

44.  Spending time together

45.  Honesty