Graduating Without Honors...the Dreaded 31

One Sunday, during Sacrament Meeting a young man giving a talk said that he was going to be graduating from the Single’s Ward “without honors”.  He was going to be turning 31 years old and had not married yet, so he would be “graduating” from the Single’s Ward “without honors”.    I had never heard of turning 31 as such.  With the mask of humor, he mentioned the unmentionable—moving to a FAMILY WARD!  AH!   Life as he knew it, as social, single person would now cease.  He was destined to grow old and wrinkly and ALONE and there was nothing to he could do about it.  He should have just purchased a cemetery plot right then.  He got a lot of laughs from the congregation, but in the back of everyone’s mind was the unspeakable, evidenced by eyes shifting back and forth to see if anyone else found the fearful truth in the sarcasm. 

Let’s be honest.  Turning 31 in the LDS culture without being married (and without even the slightest glimpse of any prospects) is not on the list of birthdays looked most forward to, especially if you have enjoyed the Single’s Ward.  There is not much thrill to blowing out that last candle.  To some, it feels that dooms day has arrived.  Although it may feel like this, it is not true.  Yes, our plan to marry by 24 is now obsolete and perhaps we were close to a decade off (oops), but it is not the end.  Forget buying that space in the cemetery, we have a life to live and we have a difference to make. 

One day I went to lunch with my friend, Amy Sinks, who had just turned 31 and moved to a family ward.  She was the first of a group of friends that was “kicked out” and she said something that has stuck with me and aided me in my transition out of “Young Single Adult Life” to “Single Adult Life.”  She said that she had felt heartache and remorse, which perhaps is normal, but she also knew that God knew her personally.  He loved her and He was still in charge.  He was aware of her situation.  If she was supposed to get married, God could still make it happen.  He was not going to say to her, “Ha, Ha!   You are now 31 and out of the Single’s Ward, good luck!  You’ll never marry, too bad and so sad.”  She knew that God is not like that.  He had a personal plan for her. 

Heavenly Father is aware of us.  We have all had prayers answered.  He knows our current situation.  Although we have come to time of transition, it need not be a time of desperation. We can still hope and pray for our dreams and trust that we will have the blessing of that sacred union and find a dear companion to walk with through life.  True, it is not our first choice of life plans, but it may be a reality for some of us.  Upon turning 31, we are led to a choice:  will we accept that fact graciously, with humor and faith or dread the next phase of our lives with hopelessness and foreboding, hate and fear?  Our social life will only stop if we let it.  We can still associate with the “younger single generation.”  We can continue to cultivate our current friendships. We may have to be a little more proactive in seeking out social opportunities that we relied on the Church for previously. 

The family ward is nothing to be afraid of.  There are fantastic opportunities for service and wonderful friendships to be made in the family ward.  After getting over the initial shock of “graduating without honors,” we must “Fear not little flock” (Doctrine and Covenants 6:36) and go forward with faith.  The heartache of the reality that we are not in the place we had planned in Young Women’s will not necessarily go away in one Sunday, but we can pray for comfort and faith as we make this unanticipated transition.   This transition will be different for everyone.  However, through this blog, I will share some of the thoughts and experiences that I have had and some of my dear friends have had in hopes that they will aid some of you in this phase of life. 

 “You are not forgotten.    Sisters, wherever you are, whatever your circumstances may be, you are not forgotten. No matter how dark your days may seem, no matter how insignificant you may feel, no matter how overshadowed you think you may be, your Heavenly Father has not forgotten you. In fact, He loves you with an infinite love.

Just think of it: You are known and remembered by the most majestic, powerful, and glorious Being in the universe! You are loved by the King of infinite space and everlasting time!

He who created and knows the stars knows you and your name—you are the daughters of His kingdom…

God loves you because you are His child. He loves you even though at times you may feel lonely or make mistakes.

The love of God and the power of the restored gospel are redemptive and saving. If you will only allow His divine love into your life, it can dress any wound, heal any hurt, and soften any sorrow.

My dear Relief Society sisters, you are closer to heaven than you suppose. You are destined for more than you can possibly imagine. Continue to increase in faith and personal righteousness. Accept the restored gospel of Jesus Christ as your way of life. Cherish the gift of activity in this great and true Church. Treasure the gift of service in the blessed organization of Relief Society. Continue to strengthen homes and families. Continue to seek out and help others who need your and the Lord’s help.”

                        -Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf , General Relief Society Broadcast Fall 2011

As a side note, my friend, Amy, did get married and she now is married with three darling children.