Shopping

     Shopping.  I hate it.  Many women thrill at the thought of an evening out with a friend "shopping."  Not many more things make me feel like puking--well, maybe sea food.  

    One of the reasons I have such an aversion to the activity, is I've never really had an excess of money to frivolously spend--I have had to be more frugal.  My mom would only let us buy school clothes from the sale rack--she refused to pay full price for anything.  That habit has carried over.  I tend to live on the frugal side.  

    Another reason is, I am right between the largest of the kid section and the smallest of the adult section in clothing size.  It is super annoying.  Every time I find something "totally cute," they don't have it in my size--plenty of medium, large, and extra large, but the store just happens to be out of that "totally cute" item in small.  Or, the small is too big—and they don’t carry extra small.  Or, if the item DOES come in my size and it looks “darling” on the rack, in the dressing room, to my dismay and frustration, it looks weird on me.  I’m not a swearing woman, but I have come close in a department store dressing room.  After feeling like I have wasted way too much time and leaving the store disgruntled and empty handed, I vow to never go shopping again.   (OK, fine, a little DISCLAIMER: On a rare occasion I have been known to find something in the kid section that works...NOTE:  kid sizes are often less expensive!  Score!  But that is RARE, more frequently I leave fuming with frazzled hair).  Maybe those women who LOVE shopping have better luck in the department store than I have had.  Someday, maybe I will graduate from a training bra.  Just kidding...sort of.  

     I can’t think of a job I would hate more than working at a clothing store (well, maybe waitressing).  Ugh.  Hanging up clothes all day.  I’m lucky if I get that done at home with my own clothing, but hanging up unwanted clothes tried on by shoppers.  Ew!

     There is one thing however, that I do love shopping for:  BABY CLOTHES!  In an attempt to go “Back-to-School” shopping or find some shoes or a socks (I always need socks), I often find myself meandering past the Infant/Baby Section.  I LOVE BABY CLOTHES!  I think I often spend more time in the Baby Section than the adult (or kid section).  There are so many cute outfits for babies!  Some of them make me smile out loud (yes, I just said smile out loud).  I love to imagine sweet, precious babies made to look even cuter in infant clothes. 

    I love baby clothes so much, even if a friend has “registered” for diapers or a bathtub for a baby shower, I HAVE to buy baby clothes.   I love watching the mother-to-be open and hold up cute onesies or dresses or baby boy swim wear or pajamas from other friends. 

 

 

    A little while ago, I was in the Baby Section looking for a cute outfit for a baby shower.   Out of the blue, I started to tear up, thinking that I may never experience a baby shower.  I may never have my own babies to dress up in cute outfits.  I may never have my own baby to cuddle and coo at me.  I may never experience the joys and hardships of pregnancy.  Not being married yet, the chances of me giving birth to my own children are really slimming.  It makes me a little scared, anxious, and sad.  I’m not giving up hope, but I have to face the harsh reality that I may not bear and rear children in this life.  My heart aches and longs for this privilege.   

      I truly thrill and rejoice when people I love give birth or adopt newborns.  But that day in the Baby Section, I allowed my self to shed tears and recognize the reality of unfulfilled dreams. 

       In my heartache for motherhood, I cannot allow my circumstances to stop me from mothering.  I must find ways to mother others.  I am grateful for mothers who have allowed me to help mother their children.  Although I do not have children of my own, I hope to be known as someone who as a “Mother Heart.”

“A woman who treasures motherhood on earth will treasure motherhood in the world to come, and “where [her] treasure is, there will [her] heart be also” (Matt. 6:21). By developing a mother heart, each girl and woman prepares for her divine, eternal mission of motherhood…. In my experience I have seen that some of the truest mother hearts beat in the breasts of women who will not rear their own children in this life, but they know that “all things must come to pass in their time” and that they “are laying the foundation of a great work” (D&C 64:32–33).”

              -Sister Julie B. Beck

               General Conference, April2004

FYI:  Here is another rip off:  Every time I have seen a shirt or outfit that mentions the word “aunt,” it is always super plain and boring or even ugly.  “World’s Greatest Aunt” but ugliest ever outfit.  Note to clothing designers:  If you want to sell your product to proud aunts, create something cute and attractive for the auntie to buy.